My Ligh Will Try To Guide You..

I know sometimes I don't say the right things, and I know sometimes I'm not the biggest help and sometimes I make things worse than they should be. I know that I don't have a filter and that usually it's not how I mean to say it. But please remember that I'm trying to help, but I just don't know how. Please know that I love you with all my heart but I am not very good at helping in situations like this.. and that's precisely it. I don't know what this situation is. I don't know what to think of it, and I don't know how to react to it, or how to help. But please, please, please, please know that I am trying. Please know that no matter what, you're amazing. Please know that you're better than what you give yourself credit for. And please, please, please try to go to bed smiling tonight. You have more reasons to do so than you may think. You have more reasons to be happy than you may think for "Happiness, not for another place but this place...not for another hour but this hour."
And like I told you before, my weakness is my want and need to look at the positive in every damn situation in this corrupted world. Now, I wish I could give some of that to you, but I know I can't. So, for now, I'll shine my light upon your path and silently guide you. Silently because I want you to find yourself on this journey, and because we all know I should keep my big mouth shut.
But for now, what I will say is, I love you. Everything will work out... well, that's cliche. But it's true. I can't guarantee it will happen right away, for I know it will not. However, what I can say is, keep your head up. Look at the positives. Don't settle for less. Love the life you live even if you do not believe the good in it to be true.
Love you.
Sincerely,
Me.

Overly Dramatic Happy-Sadness? Whaaa?

I am not quite sure how to react what happened to me today. It was so sudden, and I don’t even know how I am going to be able to put it into words. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with emotions that pop out of nowhere. It’s “all a part of growing up”… but I never really thought it could happen to me. I tend to be pretty constant when it comes to my moods. Even when I am angry or sad I can usually at least force a smile or spurt out a laugh or two..

But today, it was the strangest thing. It was a normal day. I just recently chopped my hair off into a sort of punk rocker version of a pixie cut so everyone is noticing me. Even people I have not talked to in months. I’m not necessarily used to all the attention. I have very many friends and all, but only a few do I really talk to on a regular basis. But anywho, today is the end of the quarter so we got out of school at eleven. Yes, crazy. I know. We had 23 and 24 minute classes. It is quite honestly ridiculous, but who am I to complain? Less school = happiness. But.. not today. Well, not really.

To start things off, I am nearly seventeen and I have yet to even get my license. Now, this would not be such a huge deal if my dad had not told me for the past year that he would take me to get my license. Obviously that happened considering there’s just over 40 days till my birthday and I have yet to at least take drivers ed. So, considering all of this, I still have to ride that over-sized Twinkie thing called a bus. With poop brown seats and whatever that material it is that they’re made of, about fifty thousand kids, and the majority of them haven’t even heard of the word deodorant.. or manners. The bus is quite honestly one of my least favorite places to be. I’ve been riding one for far too long, and I am over it. With that aside, it was a great start to my extra early release day. Then I realized I left my lunch at the school. So, I dropped my bag off at work which is decently close to the school and started walking. And to be honest, I am quite glad I left my lunch there. The walk was nice. It was that great kind of walking weather: all crisp but not too cold, no wind, leaves rustling about… it was quite nice. With my music on, I made it to the school and back to Bom Dia, my work. Yadda yadda yadda, I’m sure you want to hear this whole story.

So after hanging out at work for a wee bit, I started towards downtown to meet my boyfriend, Andrew, because he offered to give me a ride back to my house so I would not have to ride the city bus. The city bus however, is at least bearable. It’s almost cleaner, it doesn’t smell bad, and there are about one hundredth the people and they actually know what “talking quietly” means. But, Andrew offered to give me a ride anyway. He picked me up, but I still had to go to the bank and then the library and he had to be at an appointment by 3:30.. he picked me up at 3:00. My house is 10 minutes from where we were.. so there would have been no way that he would have been on time if he took me home. I mean, I at least got to see him, but I didn’t get to really hang out with him for more than 10 minutes-ish. Not to mention he left in a fluster. I feel bad because I feel somewhat responsible; making him drive all the way downtown only to drive right back where he was. Cool. So there was that.

Then, to my luck, when I said hi to my dad, it just so happens that he brought up my progress report that I should be bringing home soon.  I just walked away as I did not want to answer him because I know my grades are bad. Well, I know of two grades that are bad: Math and History. On that note, I was quite frustrated. I know my grades are bad.. but I just feel about negative motivation. Even though I know I should have motivation, I still don’t really.

Bank.. check.

Library was next.

I made my way downtown towards the library, and boy will I tell you. With this daring of a haircut, people really do notice you. I can’t really decide if I like it or not. Just so many people look at me, sometimes funny, sometimes with disgust, sometimes with envy. But, I think I can come to a conclusion that little ol’ Bend Oregon does not deserve this haircut. Dear Bend, would you stop being so damn conservative? Everyone acts as if I… if I… if I murdered someone just by simply cutting my hair! Damn.. It’s obnoxious. I renewed my books at the library and still had some time before the bus would arrive. I walked over to my favorite coffee shop, Thump, got a cookie and took a seat.

People-watching in a coffee shop is almost as entertaining as in an airport. You have the interweb-bums that buy a single drink and hunker down for a whole day doing God knows what. You have the know-it-alls who order a drink and think they know everything about coffee, but in fact, they do not. Working in a coffee shop has taught me so much, and I can assure you, adding another shot of decaf to your skinny non-fat, sugar-free, white chocolate mocha with whip cream will not make a difference, sweetheart. Your why-bother drink is so absurd to begin with. Leave the poor Thump barista’s alone and let them do their jobs without you watching them like a hawk as if you know a damn speck about anything that has to do with coffee. And finally, you have your good Samaritans. A homeless man walked into Thump to get some water and trailing right behind him was a woman with her two kids. She looked like your average “soccer mom.” She tapped his shoulder and said quite simply, yet sweetly,

“Excuse me sir, are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” and taken aback slightly, he just stared at her for a second.

“Well.. that would be so kind of you ma’am. But I did just ate..”

“Are you sure? Do you want a coffee or something? I’ll get you anything you want.” She smiled sweetly.

“Um..” he cleared his throat, “Well, a coffee would be nice. It is a bit cold outside.”

“Alright! You got it. What kind of coffee?” he said something else, but I didn’t hear him. He walked out and she and her sons waltzed over to the line. After they got the coffee, she and her kids went over to where the sugar and cream is and they grabbed about a million things of creamer, sugar (of both splenda and real sugar because they didn’t know which he liked), and about ten stirring sticks. The look on his face melted my heart when the littlest boy accidentally dropped all the sugars on the man’s blanket. He looked so happy and thankful. I could tell the kids felt happy, too.

There need to be more people in this world like those three. I guess I can say this was the highlight of my day.

As the clock neared the time in which I needed to head to the bus stop, I took one last look around the coffee shop. I took in a deep sweet breath of the smell of coffee, pastries, and grabbed my plate. I walked towards the bus stop very slowly for I did not need to be there for another 10 minutes. Something got to me on that walk. I’m not sure what. But apparently I got bit by the “I’m-going-to-make-you-so-randomly-emotional-that-you’re-going-to-completely-break-down-into-tears-on-the-bus” bug. So, that’s precisely it. I plopped down in my seat on the bus and almost instantaneously my throat started to do that cloggy-up thing right before you have a cry. Next thing I knew, the tears were streaming down my face. And of course, just my luck, I chopped off my hair so there was nothing I could hide my face with. So basically, the whole bus – or 5 people – could see me having a complete breakdown over quite literally nothing. My shoulders were shaking uncontrollably, the tears were without doubt, nowhere near stopping, but I had my headphones in full blast so I just let it continue. I buried my face into my hands and only every once in a while did I pull up from that position to see where we were so I knew where to get off the bus. I finally made it home after walking about two miles. I didn’t even bother putting my stuff away when I got into my room. I threw my bag on the ground, curled up in my blanket, and just had a cry for about 10 minutes. Over nothing… or maybe, it is all over everything. Jesse, missing my mom, grades, impressing my dad, getting a license, money, working, babysitting, homework, nagging teachers, crazy friends…

I think I just hit a wall. I just am overwhelmed. Yet, at the same time I know I am not. There are so many people out there that have harder lives than me. So it only makes me wonder if I am being dramatic, which is one of my biggest worries. Unless it is a joke, I hate being dramatic, and people that are dramatic. So, when I get in these moods, I only make it worse for myself because I beat myself up over the fact that I think I am being dramatic. But then I wonder.. am I being dramatic? Or am I really overwhelmed and frustrated and confused and angry? Yet… during the day, I can somehow forget about it all and be my normal self to at least 95%. But… if someone is truly overwhelmed and all that jazz, aren’t they depressed during the day as well? Maybe I am just overreacting? Or maybe I am just really good at faking happy. Or maybe I really am happy during the day, but then too much time by myself only proves to be about three pages in a Word Document of typing and about a half a cup or more of tears. Cool. So which is it? I feel like there will never really be an answer to this.

I just feel so unhappy. Yet, at the same time, I feel incredibly lucky and happy.

It all is quite confusing. I guess for now, I’ll just keep pretending. I guess for now I’ll just “fake it ‘til you make it.” It’ll have to do right?

I’ll figure it out, right? I have to. I have to.. I really do.

Fuuuuuck.

Go

Just keep walking.
One foot in front of the other.

No where to go.
No where to be.

Just keep walking.
One foot in front of the other.

Leave the pain behind.
Try to find the light.

All I have to do

Is keep on walking.
One foot in front of the other.

None Left

This darkness is here
It's overcome my body
Swallowing and eating my tears
With every pulse
It takes more and more of my heart
I slowly disintegrate into this ugly world
None to be found.
None to be remembered.
None to be loved.

No name to say.
No frame to hug.
No eyes to see.

None left. </3

BLACK.

My eyes stray forward.
None but black.
The blackest black I'd ever laid eyes on.
An unknown abyss.
I feel as if my being is trespassing.
This is unknown territory.
All depth perception
Gone.
All senses
Gone.
All direction
Lost.

My eyes stray backwards.
None but red.
A deep black red.
Lost in the color of shadows and blood.

The words of utter dispair
SCREAM
Through and through my head.

So confused.
So lost.
Why?

There is no light to the left
Nor the right.
Not even a match of light
To and fro.

Scrambled
Befuddled
Worthless
Unfound
Hated
Unneeded
Not missed.

Not here.

I'm lost in my future.
I'm nowhere.
Wandering alone in this
Black.

Surprises

I walked with my brother
Across the street
Boyscouts cookies on hand.

Wind whispered to the blades of grass.
Dark clouds dressed the sky.
The scent of damp air wafted up our noses.
My sash full of buttons waved along my chest.
The fence creaked open from the force.
White paint revealed an ugly layer of the house.
A brownish grey color, mold forming in crevices.

"Are you sure you want to come here?"
I nodded.

Journeying from the fence to the stairs
Was difficult, at best.
Cracks and crevices encompassed our tiny feet

Creak, creak

A crack of thunder swallowed our ears.
I pushed the rusty doorbell.
A horrid singing noise sounded.
An echo ran through the house,
Leaving an everlasting impression on my mind.
Slow, heavy footsteps closed the distance
Between where they once were,
And two boyscouts.

My trembling hand reached into the wagon.
Thin Mints.

Thump, thump, thump

The steps were in sync with my fluttering heart
They were so close now,
The footsteps.
Each one louder, heavier, scarier.
We stood there
Holding the cookies.

Thump, thump, thump

Despite the cold,
Sweat was forming on my cheek bones.
The steps nearer than ever, now.
The twist of the heavy door knob forced me to cringe.
A squeak if the door
And it was open.

We peeped inti the crack
Attempting to register what was
Behind the monstrous door.
An unexpected jolt went down my body.
Two hands wrapped around my shoulders.

I looked in a frantic mess
But the darkness drowned my sight.

Whatever it was,
Whoever it was,
Took us in.

Blue Converse

I see a girl.
She is a girl who wears Converse.
She strides with ease,
And laughs of joy.
She's energetic and happy.
Her brown hair resting jut above her shoulders.
Chic, yet funky fabrics
Encompass her tiny athletic frame.
Wandering between friends of all types.
She is a girl that walks
And talks
And laughs
With honesty...
From where I see her.

I see a girl.
She is a girl who wears Converse.
She walks between groups
Trying to find which one
Which people
Which clothes
She belongs to.
She is nice to all,
But only pretending.
Laughing jubilantly
Talking loudly
And walking
On lies.
Who is this girl?

This girl is me.
The one who wears bright blue Converse
And a blind fold.

Shame

Shame is the color of cheeks gone red.
The whimper of a meek dog.
The taste of cold metal.
And the smell of burnt hair.
It looks like a lone tree in a fire-stricken field.
A great burden upon my soul.

Shame is grey with dullness.
Silent
It is the taste of raw meat,
Straight off the bone.
It is the smell of fish gone awry.
The sight of a dark graveyard.
The loneliness in my being.

Shame is the tint of a burning flame.
The sound of violent winds attacking a willow tree.
A noise of a homeless child,
Silent upon her footsteps.
Its taste is bitter, impure.
An everlasting smell of a decomposing body.
An ongoing woe.

Shame is the emotion,
That is only one's own fault.

Plumeria

I am an ocean.
Pulling people along
 Hoping they will follow my lead.
Choosing the correct direction.

I am the wind,
 Fighting against my ocean self,
 Wanting to go against what is right;
What is natural.
I am a Plumeria.
Beautiful in the truth
That a flower has.
 Immaculate look,
Indefinable smell,
But still beaten down
By mother nature
Aside man-kind.

I grow as a tree may
If nothing's in the way.
Constantly expanding in mind, body, and soul.
Not scar free, though:
The fires of people leave their permanent mark,
The pests of friends leave their destroying memories.

I feel as a beaten down path might.
Beautiful land surrounds
Yet I am used, stepped on.
Taken care of, every now and again
But still lacking that TLC.

I was a seed.
Hidden underground
Ready to sprout into something amazing.
But feared overpowering
My want and need to grow.
Grow into the tree I now am.

I am now a puppy.
Jubilant
Happy
Energetic
Clumsy and childish.
Always bringing a smile to even the saddest of faces,
Whether that smile is wanted or not.

I will be a light.
Guiding not only myself,
But others as well, journeying through a
Dark and lonely world.
Adding color and personality to the gloominess
As we go.

I am a sea.
Flowing many different directions
In many different ways.
I pull people one way,
And push others in a different way,
But still allowing them to be free
And "do their own thing"
Not always is it the best way, though.
For I am the sea.
So extravagant an unknown.
So dangerous and renown.
 

Cinderella Story: My Messed up Version

**Note, this post contains quite a bit more cussing than usual. I want to apologize in advance, but it is all necessary. Plus, I'm quite angry at the moment. PS. Sorry mommy, if you read this!**

Oh ok. I get it know. It all makes sense. You enjoy being a bitch to me so much, you will stoop low enough by emptying the dishwasher just to make me feel guilty for not doing it? Well, I'm sorry Jesse. But I do believe you have forgotten that I was babysitting last night, to make money. Yeah, that thing I haavent asked you nor my dad for, in over a year? Yeah. That thing. Get over the fact that I didn't do the dishes, and stop making me feel like a guilty dumb ass for not doing them. It's taken me a few years to figure this nasty bitch part of you, but I finally get it, you dirty whore ass munch. You know, I am honestly so f**king happy I am going to be 18 in a year and a half, because of your ass. I swear, if I had the ability to be able to go back in time and somehow make my dad not have met you, I would. No fucking doubt about that. It's funny, looking back at when I first met you. Remembering those first few moments brings a pain to my whole body. Even at the age of seven, I was Able to tell you and I would not get along. You tried to control my life, and be my mom. Hey Jesse, I have something to tell you, there is a reason that STEP is in front of MOM. There is, and always will be, that step. You will never be my mom. Sometimes, I am even disgusted to even say I'm legally related to you... (Thanks dad for being a dumb ass when it domes to this one) Even to this day, I cannot believe you introduced yourself to some people as my mom. As my fucking mom! If you were my mom, I would not be 1/1000000 of the coolness I am today. You are one lucky bitch that I am as nice as I am. But if I wasn't, and actually did say all the things I wanted to, ooooooh man. You would have gladly left my dad (hopefully) years and years ago. My biggest argument with all you do, and all you get mad at me for (because it all seems to be nearly the same thing) is what are you going to do in a mere year and a half, when I am gone? Off to college? No longer living in the same house? What are you going to do then, huh? Tell me. Because I would GREATLY enjoy your explanations. You have told me time and time again that you love me. That you don't want to be "that" step-mom. The one that we all so clearly know from the popular Disney film, Cinderella. Indeed you aren't, but only worse. I am.never quite good enough to make your Asian self happy, am I? As soon as I build my protective wall around myself, you somehow sense I'm somewhat safe, and begin your attack.. yet again. This wall can only take so many breaks, and cracks, before it comes crumbling down before you. Just when I think it shouldn't get worse, you stomp on the now crumbled wall, to turn it into a fine dust. Little do you know, though, that every time you do this to me, you also crush a bit of my heart and soul into a dust. A grain of sand that no one would give even a first though about. However, good thing is, the part that you are crushing, and destroying, is the one and only place you belong. So, all in all, you're only creating less space for yourself, and forcing me to make your sector in my heart less and less. I don't think you understand how you make me feel. Now given, the things you get upset about are completely and utterly retarded, but having you get angry with me over these things for the past eight years is finally taking its effect. Like my grandpa always says, "You can take Penicillin 200 times, but as soon as you take it the 201st time, you could have an allergic reaction and die." This is what you're doing to me. Why did I sneak out and have one beer? (Let me remind you it was one, over the course of an hour and a half) Because you have changed my dad so much, that he is almost as Asian-y as you are. Why do I not act like I appreciate you? Because until I see some appreciation from you not only towards me, but my dad as well, then maybe, maybe, I'll appreciate you more. But you have gone way to far into a hell hole in my cards, that I'm not so sure our relationship is ever going to be curable. Why do I not talk to you sometimes? Because I'm only returning the favor. YOU should be the bigger person in these situations. I am SO sorry if I piss you off on accident (or maybe on purpose). But you just sitting there, acting like a fucking 14 year old girl, is NOT going to ever make me want to make things better. You want me to act like an adult? Why don't you start doing it, you dumb ass hypocrite? </p>
<p>What if I told you how bad you were at the things you love most? Don't you remember that? When you told me I was a horrible rider? Or what about the time you told everyone at the barn that I was happy to sell Mary? Do you remember that? Do you even understand how many nights I went to bed crying because I missed my pony? Do you know how many times I've fallen asleep with runny mascara and black stains on my pillows, because of you? Have you ever even thought about how many of my friends, guy or girl, has had to bear with my wreck of a person and listen to my sobbing self because of the things you have done, or the ways you've made me feel?</p>
<p>Have you ever even thought how many times I've done something for you, like take Adi out when you seem like you're having a rough day, and all I get is yet another session of "I'm going to give you the silent treatment!"? </p>
<p>Do you ever even notice how many times my father and I have come home early so you can go ride your dumb horse? Do you realize how many times my dad ever gets to go fishing? And when he does, you give him a bad time about doing something he loves? If you get to ride so much, why can't he go fishing? If you love to ride so much, why can't I have one night free to hang out with my friend? Do you even notice that I have had my best friend over, only once thus summer because of you? Do you? Do you know any of this?

No..

No you don't. Because I will never be brave enough to actually say any of this to your face. You'd probably find some freaky Asian way to twist it back on me and make me seem like a bad person.

</p>
<p>But one thing I do have to say is when you start being the adult you should be, I'll begin having more respect for you.</p>

Sincerely,
Calm your tits, bitch.

<p>PS. you better begin treating my dad better, ASAP, or some shit is going to be going down.</p>

How Could One Possibly know?

When I look out into the world, there are so many people. New faces, all different.  Not even twins are the same.  We all have our differences, our similarities, blah blah blah.

We've all heard this speech over, and over again.

But the fact is, we will never stop hearing this speech, as long as we live.
Fact.

However, I've never really thought about it. And I've never really honestly looked back on some of the decisions I've made in the past, and actually processed them.

I've been a real mumble jumble pile of dog doo doo for about the last month-ish. I keep thinking nothing is really ever going to be right. Nothing is going my way, nothing is really just the way I want it. But see, I've never really thought of that as a problem that I've ever had. I'm actually beginning to go through myself, dig through my memories, my brain, and my personality, and finding what truly is me, and what others have placed inside me.

Finally, I've figured out another puzzle piece to my life. Yes I am outgoing. We all know this. But, behind all of that crazy bubbly psycho girl you see walking the halls each day (In sweats and a sweatshirt. :D) I am also very controlling. Picky. Persnickety even. If something doesn't go right, I as a person, completely fall apart.

Now this isn't very good.

It seems as if lately, I've been falling apart more and more. I feel like there is just so much, but at the same time, there really isn't all that much. My brain, for some reason just expands a problem into the biggest bitch of a thing, as if every problem is the equivalent of having a close family member or friend pass away. I know this is happening, and I try to control it, and make it work, but quite simply, I just don't know how.

Feeling lost is not a good feeling. It's like in that fifth grade field trip for Halloween when you and your whole class go to a pumpkin patch, and there is a maze. For a fifth grader, the feeling of being lost, is getting separated from your group, in nine foot tall corn stalks that are ready to attack and eat your brains out... well, minus that part. Aside from all of that, getting lost, once you start getting older, does not necessarily mean physically lost. More... mentally.


Being lost mentally is so hard to repair. It's like having a car, with no motor. Indeed it is a car, but it can't do any of it's normal tasks.

I feel like that. I am going through my normal tasks each day, but less and less of me actually wants to do it. Less and less of my brain feels like working. Which only makes the hardest thing for me, even harder: Getting good grades.

I'm always motivated. I always have been. But for some reason, this year, I just haven't wanted to do anything. I never want to listen to my teachers, I don't want to do the work, I slack off a bit more each and every day, and it's starting to hurt. I don't want to be that girl. The one who comes back to the high school reunion ten years later and is working at a McDonalds.

Now, I know that isn't going to happen, but there have been so many people that make me feel like that is what's going to happen to me if I keep it up. I feel like I want to tell them "But you don't understand! I am just going through a rough time. I really am! Now F** off!"

I want to tell every person that, but for obvious reasons, and because I'm a nice person... I can't. What I try to do to calm myself down though, is that they went through it. They have all gone through the trials of high school. They should all know, right?

But how would they know, if we are all different? How would they know if I'm just slacking or going completely insane, wanting to punch every last thing in the room? How can they tell the difference? Is there a difference? Why would my dad say I don't know anything, when he wouldn't know one damn speck more? He acts as if he's walked my life, crawled around in my shoes, and ran through my skin a million times more than me.

News Flash Daddio: I'm not going to be perfect. I'm never going to be exactly what you want me to be.

You want me to be a doctor?
I want to be a teacher.

You want me to have lots of money?
I just want enough. With the right family, and the right job, I can love my life just as much, if not more than a person with lots of money. Why would I need it if I'll have enough to put food on the table, and pay the bills? Why would I need any more than that?

See the thing is, I don't. I just want enough to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

Now, see, I know this isn't an excuse for bad grades, because I know, there really isn't. I know I've slacked. I know I have. But is it really just honestly that? Or is there something more, in my subconcious self, that is making me do these irrational decisions? Well, not necessarily irrational, but not totally acceptable decisions?

Is there even a person out there who has truly, and honestly even figured themselves out?

Could one possibly know themselves inside, and out, down to the very molecule?

Or are we all, as people who have walk this earth, balloons; merely floating around aimlessly, no where to go, no where to look forward to, only knowing at some point, somewhere, the wind will take us away, and we will eventually pop... gone. Forever. 

So my main question is, what am I doing? I know I'm not a balloon, and I do have somewhere to go. But right now, I feel as if I am a hot air balloon. I have some control over my life, but very little of it. It's as if I'm a puppet, getting tossed around by the strings on my body, but only my legs do I have control of.

Is there any one person out there that is truly happy, in a complete bliss, totally in control of their life, or are we all just fake bastards that are aiming for that, but never quite succeed? I feel like we are. There is no solution for X in this equation folks. It is undefined. Untouched. No where to be found.

Ok... that was a tangent. I don't really know where I was going with that. I don't really know where I'm going with this whole post. I guess I'm just letting it all out. Now you, reading this are wondering, is she ok? What exactly is going on?

Well, my friend. No need to worry. I am just fine. I don't exactly know what is going on myself, however, I am being optimistic, and keeping my head up. As all of you should be doing as well.

I'm not a huge fan of Katy Perry's Firework, but there is a section of the lyrics that I actually listen to:

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

The hurricane part is what really gets me, because it's true. You must go through the bad, to get to the good. When you go up, you must come down. The night always ends with the light of the sun.

...again, not sure where I was going. Deal with me here people. I'm not quite sure if I'm done rambling, or if I'm just going to keep on going till this block ends, or my teacher kicks me off of his computer.

But, for your sake, I think I'll be done for now. Expect a part two of this, or just some more mindless rambling and tangents in the near future.

Keep on keepin' on.
Sammy

Ghost?

Hey all.
Sorry I havent been posting again.

I really have about 5 unfinished drafts just chillin', but I can't seem to find a way to finish them. I may just post them unfinished, but I would feel like 'm slacking or something if I do so. Bear with me. I'm working on it!

I'm here, just been ghostin' around.

Love ya'll.
Skittles.

My cousins form of entertainment.

My little cousin Brookes has been doing this for the past five minutes. We're in the airport on our way back home from hawaii. Haha

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Five and a half months!

Ok guys, you won't believe it. Remember that post from a while back? About my boyfriend and I dating for two weeks? Well, on my birthday, which is on the fourteenth, it's going to be five and a half months for us! This is so totally exclamation point worthy! I'm sooooo happy. :) I think I'm going to try and get my dad to let him come over tonight for a bit before I leave for hawaii this saturday. I still need to give him his christmas present... Woops. Anyhow, I'm ridiculously excited. I just seriously cannot even begin to believe that I've had a boyfriend for five and a half months... Insanity!

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